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September 24 Good thing they have recently discovered a brand new solution that might be the answer to the most important and urgent need of someone who is going through or has gone through a relationship break up or divorce and wants to know how to best deal with the issues that are still present for them so they can continue to heal the pain of the past, let go and move on with as much ease and grace as possible.
INTRODUCING
The step to getting over a break up or divorce and creating a compelling future have never been easier and simpler!
If getting over a relationship breakup or divorce and healing your heart is important to you, then you'll want to get yours right now.
P.S. Remember this is not yet available in stores anywhere. September 23 Finally got over that song of ours; stopped chasin' little red sports cars, To check the license plates and I quit drivin' by your place. Back makin' the rounds at our old haunts: Honky Tonks, restaurants. And seein' some of our old friends: it feels good to dance again. And I can finally smell your perfume and not look around the room for you. And I can walk right by your picture in a frame and not feel a thing.
But when I hear your name, I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky. And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes. And nothin's changed, and we're still same. And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss, And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips: And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place, Every time I hear your name.
Got someone special in my life; everyone thinks she'll make a great wife. Dad says he thinks she's the one; reminds him of Mom when she was young. But it's way too soon to be talkin' 'bout rings; don't wanna rush into anything. She's getting over someone too, kinda like me and you. And she talks about him every once in a while, and I just nod my head and smile, 'cause I know exactly what she's goin' through; yeah, I've been there too.
And when the conversation turns to you, I get caught in a "you were the only one for me", Kinda thought, and your face is all that I see. I know I can't go back but I still go back. And there we are, parked down by the riverside, And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time, And that's all it takes, and I'm in that place, Every time I hear your name.
I stop thinkin' 'bout the words I left unsaid. (Every time I hear your name.) I stop tryin' the change the things I can't change. (Every time I hear your name.) In my heart I know you're gone, but in my head,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky. And it's the fifth of May, and I'm right there starin' in your eyes. That's all it takes, and I'm in that place. And there we are, parked down by the riverside, And I'm in your arms about to make love for the first time. And I can't explain, but I'm in that place, Every time I hear your name.
Every time I hear your name. (Every time I hear your name.) Ooh, ooooooooh, ooh, ooooooooh. (Every time I hear your name.) Aaaaah aaaaaaah. Every time I hear your name.
August 25
As you read about each of these gifts, think about ways that you could share that gift with someone today.
1. Share appreciation
Tell someone how much you appreciate the faith they've shown in you. Thank them sincerely for being part of your life. Tell them how much they are needed.
Feeling appreciated is one of the most important needs that people have. When you share with someone your appreciation and gratitude, they will not forget you. Appreciation will return to you many times.
2. Share time
Balance your time expenditures so you can spend time with the people that you love. Support local organizations by sharing your special talents. Volunteer time for projects that benefit others in your community, country, and world.
When we slow down and observe our thoughts closely, we will sometimes uncover gifts and talents we didn't know we had. Sharing time and talents can result in discoveries that bring happiness beyond measure.
3. Share knowledge and ideas
Tell someone about a great book that you read so they can benefit from it too. Teach a new concept or idea that you've learned.
One of the best ways to strengthen new concepts in your mind is to share them with others. The more often you share what you've learned, the stronger that information will become in your memory. Sharing knowledge also provides solutions to problems. The more knowledge we share, the more knowledge we receive in return.
4. Share friendship
Acknowledge someone's strengths. Let them know that you are willing to be there when they need you. Visit someone you haven't seen for a long time. Telephone friends or relatives who live far away. Introduce two friends who don't know each other.
Bringing one individual into another's life can result in tremendous changes for both people, and for you. We succeed with the help of others. People grow by growing together. If you'd like to have many friends, then share friendship with others generously.
5. Share kindness
Perform a random act of kindness for someone: a smile, compliment, or a favor just for fun. These will multiply and spread very rapidly.
There is a powerful quote by Stephen Jay Gould who said, "The center of human nature is rooted in ten thousand ordinary acts of kindness that define our days." Kindness is priceless. The love, kindnesses, and value we have given authentically to others will be our remaining treasures at the end of life.
6. Share experience
Keep written or photo journals of your life: things you've done, places you've traveled, things you've learned. Record successes and failures. Share a happy memory. Also share the difficult times that have helped you become stronger and wiser. When shared, the value of these experiences multiplies.
Our unique experiences and perceptions of life are priceless. Sharing experiences will build one of the strongest bonds with others. Our descendants can learn and benefit from our lifetime experiences for generations to come.
7. Share enthusiasm
If you are excited about a new success, tell someone. If you're ecstatic about a new project, show your glow. Your enthusiasm will inspire others to move forward with actions that bring rewarding achievements.
Enthusiasm keeps us looking forward to the future. It brings many of those exciting days that we can savor with gratitude. That kind of glowing excitement for life is impossible to hide. It is contagious and will quickly spread to others.
Think about this statement by Norman MacEwan: "Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
Sharing these gifts sends our thoughts on a far-reaching journey where they will touch many lives, and reconnect with our own. Would you like to receive these same life-enhancing gifts again and again? Begin multiplying your happiness by sharing one of these special gifts with someone today! August 07 Why you don't have to have sex to cheat
Test your emotional faithfulness with 8 questions
All of us know that adultery — sex outside the marriage — is one of the gravest blows to a relationship as well as a painful rejection for one partner. But you don’t have to have sex with anyone else to be unfaithful. Emotional infidelity is just as — and at times even more —destructive to relationships. Couples I counsel are absolutely outraged when I tell them that they could well be committing emotional infidelity when they flirt with co-workers, send around funny e-mails to colleagues, or hang out with members of the opposite sex at gatherings. But they are, and so, probably, are you.
You’re not going to want to hear this, but stopping this kind of behavior is the single most important thing you can do for your relationship. It’s not about where it may lead. It’s about where it has already gone — far from your focus on your relationship. Remember what it is you’ve always wanted from your committed relationship, and start considering the large, determined commitment that is absolutely necessary to creating a happy coupling.
What’s the harm in a man having a casual friendship with a woman when either has a partner? Or a married woman having a casual friendship with another man? Surely, every friendship doesn’t lead to an affair. Yet we forget the emotional harm of relating to someone outside the relationship when that same energy can be used to relate to our own spouse. A committed relationship is about relating to another person with an intimacy felt with no one else.
How do you know if you're being unfaithful? Consider your personal relationships:
- When you hear a funny joke or good piece of gossip, do you first tell other colleagues? By the time you get home, have you chewed it all over so much at the office that you don’t feel like telling it again to your partner?
- Do you discuss all of your work problems (or issues involving volunteer work or other important things you are involved in) so thoroughly with colleagues that you’re all talked out by the time you return home? Do you feel like it would take too long to review and explain the entire issue from scratch to your partner?
- Do you go out alone to lunch or after work for drinks with members of the opposite sex?
- Do you enjoy harmless (by your definition) flirtation at a cocktail party?
- Do you believe that getting emotionally excited by flirting with someone else is helpful to your relationship? Do you think it helps educate you as to what you need more of from your partner? Do you tell yourself that the juice you get from flirting with others brings more vitality to your relationship?
- Do you spend as long buying the “right gift” for a colleague as you do for your own partner?
- Do you ride in a car sharing with someone else pleasant, personal conversations on the way to meetings or other work-related events?
- Do you share intimate issues about yourself or relationship with a member of the opposite sex?
If you’re doing any of these things, you’re being emotionally unfaithful to your partner. You have only so much energy. If you’re spending it with co-workers or outside the home and then getting home and feeling too tired to spend anymore on your partner, that’s emotional infidelity. You’re effectively relocating vital relationship energy into the hands of others. Forget about where it might end up. Even if you never touch this other person, you have still used that person to relate to, and in doing so, you relate away from your partner.
You may be shaking your head and disagreeing. But I’ve spent years helping couples pool their energies toward each other, and it has changed their relationship immediately. Stop all of these outside relationships and bring all your emotional and sexual energy home to your partner, and you, too, will change your relationship immediately.
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The New Rules of Attraction
When it comes to finding love, there are certain truths that seem so irrefutable that any single person would be a fool not to follow them. Maybe you're a firm believer that you can tell within seconds if you're attracted to someone. Or, maybe you adhere to the idea that a first kiss says it all: If you feel fireworks, your date's a keeper; if it bombs, cut your losses. While these romantic maxims have their fans, experts insist that these laws no longer hold true in today's dating world. In short, many rules single people follow need a little revamping. To that end, we've consulted authorities in the field to bring you the most up-to-date tactics for finding someone you'll click with.
Old rule: You can tell if you're truly attracted to someone in three seconds. New rule: You can't tell if you're truly attracted to someone until you've had three dates. "Love at first sight" is a familiar romantic notion. And in our increasingly fast-paced world, it's darn convenient to think you can tell if you click with someone that quickly. But experts recommend cultivating a bit more patience, sticking to a three-date minimum to know for sure whether you're a match (or not). The reason: People are a bundle of nerves on date #1, begin to unwind on date #2, but only by date #3 can people truly relax and maybe build some rapport. And while sparks early on are nice and all, they say nothing about someone's long-term potential. "An important part of a compatible relationship is ensuring that each partner's values coincide, and to learn that takes time, discussion, observation, and interpersonal interaction, not an initial impression based on superficial cues," says James C. Piers, Ph.D., professor and program director of social work, at Hope College in Holland, MI. So, don't write someone off — or fall head over heels — until you've done due diligence.
Old rule: Your mate must meet all the criteria on your "must-have list." New rule: A "must-have list" looks great on paper, but paper won't keep you warm at night. You can check off the attributes you want — appearance, background, education, career, salary — but unless you're building your lover in a lab, you're missing out. Of course, you should have standards and not settle for a two-packs-a-day smoker who doesn't want kids when you're allergic to smoke and eager to start a family. But settling for nothing less than perfection is unrealistic. "Wish lists are a classic recipe for unsuccessful dating," says Fleming. "They're too limiting and don't allow for chemistry, which is more intangible and valuable." Try to be flexible, especially when it comes to physical or material attributes like someone's height, salary, or hair color. After all, just because someone's 6'2", blonde, or makes six figures doesn't mean he or she will make you happy, so do yourself a favor and treat your ideal-mate wish list as just one factor in deciding who's right for you.
Old rule: Opposites attract. New rule: Opposites distract. Dating your diametric opposite might mean the surprise of someone really new and different, lots of challenging banter and scintillating make-up sex—but sustaining a partnership with your polar opposite may ultimately prove unfulfilling. "The classic couple with nothing in common except their on-fire fights plays well in the movies, but in real life that attraction fizzles quickly," says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet. "If you don't like to do the same things, there will be nothing for you to do outside of the bedroom. And if you don't want the same things for the future, what kind of future can you have?" We're not saying you should end up with your clone, but ideally it should be someone who complements your personality (see the next rule for more details).
Old rule: Your date's record collection (or DVD library, or bookshelf) mirrors yours—so you must be soul mates. New rule: You want a person, not an iPod playlist. Sometimes you meet someone and have so much in common, you know it must be love: Each of you saw Phish perform at least a dozen times and know the works of David Sedaris inside out. But don't confuse mirror-image taste with chemistry. In fact, it's probably better if your interests don't match up exactly. Not only does that leave room for you to expand your boundaries and dabble in something new that your partner digs, it also means you two will probably have little trouble maintaining some healthy independence. "Some of the best relationships are those where both parties have completely independent hobbies and allow for the concept of ‘his, her, and our' time," notes relationship coach Hu Fleming, Ph.D. So, take it as a good sign if you spend the occasional Saturday night apart—you doing dips at ballroom dancing class, your date doing the wave at an NBA game.
Old rule: Your first kiss should be a toe-curling experience. New rule: Your first kiss is inconsequential. In fairytales, an amazing first kiss leads to happily ever after—no wonder we place such importance on that primary pucker! But there are ample reasons why a first kiss from a potentially great partner can go awry (nervousness or a less-than-ideal setting) and just as many to explain why a first kiss from Mr./Ms. Wrong can feel so right (you've exceeded the two-drink minimum, perhaps). "A kiss can be a romantic, erotic experience with someone you find physically attractive, but a relationship will crumble without more complex attributes like shared values," points out Piers. So rather than write someone off following a less-than-mind-blowing kiss, smile and move in slowly for smooch number two, either at that moment or on a subsequent date. Trust us, you owe it to yourselves.
Old rule: When it's true love, you think about this person constantly. New rule: When it's true love, thinking about this person makes you feel good. Hmm, has Willie Nelson's "You're Always on My Mind" become the theme song for how you feel about your sweetie? That may not be for the best. "Constantly thinking about another person isn't love, it's infatuation, and infatuation has no correlation with being a good match," says Fleming. Ultimately, it's a better gauge to assess the quality of your thoughts rather than the quantity. "If you have warm and comfortable feelings when you think about your date, that indicates a relationship built on stability, trust, and a strong ‘friendship' factor, denoting a relationship that will more likely wear well over time," says Piers. If, on the other hand, your relationship keeps you up all night as you analyze this person's emails for hidden messages that reveal his or her true feelings, you may be chasing down someone who doesn't really want to be yours.
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